Tuesday, April 16, 2013

N is for Nimrod



“Is this seat taken?” I say to the fat ass overflowing into the isle. She looks up and smiles at me like she thinks she stands a chance.

“Oh, no…it’s all yours,” she gushes as I squeeze past her, doing my best not to make contact with her folds. Frickin’ gross.

“Going to work?” she asks, like we’re suddenly BFFs

I let out a breath, hoping she’ll get the point, but I can still feel her bug eyes on me. 

“What time is it?” I ask, with a surprising amount of patience.  

She scrambles to look at her watch. “A little after eight.”

“And what do people like me do at a little after eight on a Friday?”

She says nothing, just shakes her head stupidly.

“They go to work. They help move society forward. They contribute something. Now I know this may be hard for you to understand, but let me break it down for you: Me have job. Me have life.”

“I was just trying to be nice,” she whispers as she squeezes her eyes shut.

 Is she frickin’ crying? I don’t have time for this.  

“Nice is for losers and fat people. I don’t have to be nice. And I don’t have to waste my time listening to you, so shut your pie hole and let me have a few minutes of peace before I have spend the next eight hours kissing Mr. Stanbuck’s ass.”

The woman’s eyes pop open. “Stan Stanbuck?”

“Yeah. What about him?”

She smiles. “He’s my son. I’m just on my way to see him now.”

 

 

 

58 comments:

  1. Another great post which is most enjoyable.

    Yvonne.

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  2. Haha! What a jerk. I kind of saw it coming towards the end, but thought it would be the husband.

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    1. It almost was, but I figured picking on a mother is more tactless.

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  3. Great post,Melanie. Sadly, there are way to many people in the world like this nimrod. Part of me hopes the son makes this guy's life hell, but then how would that change him for the better? :)

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  4. Oaft, karma much? A lesson to all future grumps!

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  5. It takes so little to be nice, to be kind. Sweet revenge.

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    1. You're right. And so little to screw ourselves, too.

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  6. Be careful of the words you say; keep them short and sweet. You never know from time to time which ones you'll have to eat!

    I hope people reading take the right message from your little anecdote!

    Thanks for visiting my M is for Mansfield Park post - I shouldn't make it sound so terrible, really. If it's the only one you haven't read, please do take some time to get through it! Do you have a favorite Austen novel?

    Cheers from Brandy at brandysbustlings.blogspot.ca

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    1. I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately. And thanks for visiting my site. My favorite Austen? That's hard, but I'd have to say Pride and Prejudice. I have a not so secret bookish crush on Mr. Darcy.

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  7. Karma, baby!

    Lots of nimrods walking this Earth, unfortunately.

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  8. LOL...love that. He got, or is -going to get-, what's coming to him!

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  9. Lol!!!! I loved the ending. :)

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  10. Great story. Nimrod got what he deserved.

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  11. Haha! Ain't karma a bitch. lolol I never saw that end coming. Nice job :-)

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  12. HehHehHeh! Great twist, and I do love twists at the end. Good work!

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  13. Holy NImrod, batman! Great story, lovely twisted ending! *clapping*

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  14. I was horrified at the rudeness and then you made me smile.

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    1. Yes, I made her so delightfully nasty that her downfall was a lovely thing to watch.

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  15. Excellent, and thank you. I'm a large woman, and this is a great story. :)

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    1. Thank you. It's always good when rude people get theirs, isn't it?

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  16. Oh, I like how he gets it at the end- he so had it coming to him. And for his information, nice people can be skinny, and they can be winners too!

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  17. Serves him right. I haven't heard 'nimrod' in ages. Yay for bringing it back!

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  18. Great post! :)

    And I have nominated you for the Liebster blog award. Check out my blog (and the one who nominated me) for the rules if you decide to do it. :)

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  19. Great post. I spent the first 140ish angry and then I smiled.

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  20. Love it! Hope the mean girl learns something!

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  21. Just two words come to mind - poetic justice!

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  22. Love that twist ending. I teach my kids to chose their words wisely and this is the reason why.

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    Replies
    1. So true. And it's no fun to find out the hard way.

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  23. hahahahaha!! There is justice in the world! ;)

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  24. Yay! I hope he fires that douche!

    And waita make me hate a character within just a few sentences! Well done!

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