“You going in?” Jase asked, looking
tentatively at the door of the old house.
“Are you?” Sam retorted.
Jase shrugged, but didn’t move.
“What do you think’s in there?” Sam whispered,
but instantly regretted it; he didn’t want to plant any ideas.
“Hell if I know,” Jase answered, before
doing the unforgiveable. He stepped forward and reached for the handle.
Sam watched, horrified, as the door swung
open and Jase stepped through, closing it behind him. He didn’t even hold it
open, like he knew Sam wasn’t coming. That’s what gave Sam peace about it
later; that he must have known.
For his part, Sam waited and watched and
listened for a full minute before turning to walk back down the way they’d
come, down a path that on every other day of his life, before and since, began
and ended with a vacant lot.
Very creepy. Love the idea of a house just appearing. And I REALLY want to know what happened to Jase once he stepped inside.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like another story in itself. Hmm...
DeleteYou are so great at little drops of suspense! I love, "That’s what gave Sam peace about it later; that he must have known."
ReplyDeleteThank you.(smiles bashfully and blushes)
Deletelove the suspense!!!
ReplyDeleteCaptivating! Grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let go.
ReplyDeleteI think that's what ended up happening to Jase.
DeleteI enjoy your writing style. Though it made me realize that I need to do more reading and less TV watching, because when I saw the name Jase I immediately thought of Duck Dynasty and when I saw Sam I immediately thought of True Blood. Or maybe I just need to stop my obsession with shows set in Louisiana. Anywho, I'm glad you commented on my blog, leading me to find yours. I will definitely be checking in again!
ReplyDeleteActually, I confess, that's where the name Jase came from. Go ducks.
DeleteOooh, that's creepy. I want to know more :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll do a follow up story after A to Z is over
DeleteEngaging read. Love the way you put it, especially the last part
ReplyDeleteIt was really hard getting this one down to under 150. I like adjectives too much.
DeleteAgain, a total mind-bender. You rock those last lines like nobody's business. I'm going to think about this story every time I see a vacant lot. I hope he ended up somewhere better than hell.
ReplyDeleteMe, too.
DeleteVery Twilight Zone-ish...love that :)
ReplyDelete'waving hello from the A to Z challenge'
"waves right back at you."
DeleteGreat story. Love them all
ReplyDeleteThank you. Only 23 more to go (wipes sweat from brow)
DeleteI'm curious. Are you going to take all these lovely bits and create longer stories or books from them?
ReplyDeleteI haven't given it much thought. Maybe when the dust settles from A to Z, I'll revisit them.
DeleteNice idea for A-Z and thanks for stopping by my blog - you won my non-existent daily "awesome sauce" for best comment of the day :)
ReplyDeleteThat is so sweet! Thank you. (I had to jump back over to your site to see what I wrote)
DeleteDid Sam set him up?
ReplyDeleteNo, but that is a very intriguing idea.
DeleteOh, you really know how to leave a girl hanging!
ReplyDeleteThis could easily lead into a longer piece. (:
Thank you, I'm thinking about it.
DeleteThat story could go so many ways.
ReplyDeleteThat's part of the fun of flash fiction: the speculation.
DeleteGoodbye Jase, it was nice knowing you!
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteThis is a nice little bit of flash. Poor, poor Jase.
ReplyDelete~ Rhonda Parrish
Thank you. Yeh, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes, or Sam's either. Imagine the guilt.
DeleteVery creepy. I like how you leave us imagining all sorts.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteVery eerie. Great piece of flash fiction. Courage to walk in...courage to walk away. Fun A-Z.
ReplyDeleteWell said.
DeleteNew follower saying hello from A to Z. I like how, by withholding certain details, you're letting our own imagination fill in the blanks. Spooky!
ReplyDeleteWelcome. I try to do that with all my writing- leave a little room for the reader's imagination.
Deleteooh, great piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteJase has courage. I wonder if he's alright! What's behind the door?! Like the at&t commercial with the little girl: we want more we want more! :)
ReplyDeleteChontali Kirk
chontalikirk.blogspot.com
I like what Rebecca said, though. Which one, in the end, showed the most courage? Maybe it was Sam who had the courage to back away from a dangerous situation.
DeleteNice piece of work. So much to wonder: How old was Sam in the present? How long had he had the memory? Did the house collapse on Jase?
ReplyDeleteI'll probably find out the same time you do.
DeleteOh, this definitely left me wanting to know more. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteHi Melanie :-)
ReplyDeleteYour Super Shorts are awesome! I definitely need to come back and read more of them during the challenge. My fave so far is this one :-)
Thank you. I would love to hear what you think of the rest of them.
DeleteLove line about it giving him peace later. Here from the AtoZ
ReplyDelete