Today I'm insecure because I'm about to commit the cardinal sin in writing. I'm going to post the first 150 words of my new novel, Erron, before it's gone through the hands on my editors. Here goes:
It was in a grocery store that I first saw him. He was grabbing a box of
cereal and I was walking by on my way to the registers. It’s a very plain,
simple way to begin so bizarre a relationship, but that’s actually how it went.
I do remember noticing him. How could you not? He was
tall, but not too tall; muscular, but not too muscular and very, very
beautiful; if that’s a word you can use to describe a man. All I know is that
when I walked by him, I remember thinking that
is a beautiful man.
I didn’t think he noticed me, though; that’s how good he
is at what he does. I didn’t see his eyes as they followed me, didn’t hear him
as he set his things down on the conveyer
belt just after mine.
There it is; I hope you liked it.
I don't know where it's going, but meeting someone in a grocery store is great. It's where I met my husband!
ReplyDeleteIt's intriguing, Melanie, good job! Best wishes with your new venture.
ReplyDeleteI would keep reading, for sure!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a teaser? Is he a creeper or an angel?
ReplyDeleteI more than liked it! It hooked me and has me intrigued. I want to know more about this beautiful man.
ReplyDeleteNow I want to know why it ends up bizarre...
ReplyDeleteQuite intriguing. I want to read more.
ReplyDeleteWhat a hook. Very well done. I am already in love, and intrigued, lol.
ReplyDeleteJuneta at Writer's Gambit
Hope you are open to a crit. Re-work you first line. It needs to make us want to read on. Emphasis on read.
ReplyDeleteFirst and last lines are the most important in your story. Hope I helped. :-)
Anna from Shout with Emaginette