Today
I’m participating in a blog tour for Sophia Stone’s book The Mormon Diaries.
I read the book for myself a week or so ago and can say it is a must read for anyone interested in the inner workings of Mormonism. Also the writing was wonderful and the story moving. I just wanted to give Sophia a big hug when I was done. If you’re interested I’ve included the links to purchase her book below the interview questions
Join me on Wednesday when I do a review of the book, Elemental by Emily White. Until then, take care
The Book
Brought up in a
religious home, Sophia believes the only way to have a forever family is by
following church leaders and obediently choosing the right. She goes to the
right school, marries the right man in the right place, and does the right
thing by staying home to raise her children. But when she starts asking
questions about grace, love, and the nature of God, she realizes her spiritual
struggles could rip her family apart.
The Blurbs
“Sophia Stone has a fine
eye and a searching heart. Her story of growing up in and reaching through her
Mormonism for a deeper, more authentic spirituality reflects all the ways that
religion can both keep us satisfied with easy answers and push us to more
difficult and complicated realizations. We need a hundred more books like this
one . . . “ –Joanna Brooks, author of The Book of Mormon Girl
“Sophia Stone captured
my attention from the beginning. This collection of personal essays, about
questioning the legitimacy of Mormonism after having faith in the religion for
the first 30-something years of her life, is not just a controversial quake to
a reader’s heart and soul. Stone’s voice is brave, bold and intriguing. And
surprisingly relatable to someone who is not religious.”—Jessica Bell, author
of String Bridge
The Trailer
Interview Questions
1.
What does the ornament on the cover
stand for?
As a child I was taught that the
only way I could experience true joy was by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ
as found in Mormonism. The ornament is symbolic of that joy. Or, more
particularly, what I feared I’d lose if I ever stopped believing in The Church.
2.
Why did you hide your faith
struggles from those closest to you?
I was afraid my faithful Mormon
family and friends would think me either prideful or influenced by Satan if I
admitted to doubting The Church. There’s a common phrase faithful Latter-day
Saints use to explain away uncomfortable issues: “The Church is true. The
people are not.” Those who leave the church are often labeled as angry, easily offended,
prideful, lazy, or deceived. There’s no good reason to doubt, no good reason to
question, no good reason to stop believing. Faith yields loyalty and obedience.
3.
How is your family coping with this?
Do they support you?
Well, it depends on what part of my
family you’re talking about. My kids have been great, but they’re pretty young.
I’m continually amazed by the open mindedness and trust of small children. I
really think Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said that unless we
become as little children we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.
My husband, on the other hand, is
having a really hard time. We’ve had to do some negotiating about the kid’s
religious education. He wants them to believe in Mormonism and is very much
attached to the outcome. The thought of his kids choosing to leave the LDS
church is absolutely devastating to him.
There are certain things that (for
him) are non-negotiable. The kids WILL get baptized at age eight whether I want
that for them or not. The kids will continue to go to the Mormon church each
Sunday until they turn twelve. (He’d said eighteen originally, but has since
softened). 10% of his income will continue to go to The Church whether or not I
agree with that particular donation. We’re a single income family so that’s a
pretty big deal, but he’s frightened, truly frightened that if he stops paying
a full tithe, he’ll lose his job.
Although, in fairness, he say it has
nothing to do with fear. Rather, he has faith in the principle of tithing. God
will bless him for his financial sacrifice.
As for the rest of the family, my
mother is struggling, the brother just younger than me acts as if he doesn’t
know, my older brother has been accepting, and my sister is unpredictable. I’m
not even sure how to characterize that relationship at this point. So overall
it’s been a mixed bag where tolerance is concerned. As for support—no, I do not
have family support. Nor is it something I can reasonably expect.
4. How do you get someone who thinks
you’ve been influenced by Satan to
consider your
point of view?
Short answer: you don’t.
Long answer: It’s odd to be on the
other end of the “hate the sin, love the sinner” rhetoric. I always considered
myself a fairly good, honest person. And I have to admit that I don’t feel like
a different person just because I don’t believe in Mormonism like I used to.
Certain things just don’t change, you know? I still like chocolate milk shakes.
I still like people. I feel, in many ways, closer to God than I did a year ago.
So it’s been kind of shocking to have people who always trusted me assume the
worst.
5. How do you build relationships with people who think you
are broken?
Oh, man, I wish I knew. Honestly, it
depends on how important their Mormonism is to their identity. Those who are
capable of accepting my brokenness without trying to fix it are much easier to
have relationships with than those who work extra hard to fix me.
6.
How has your change in beliefs
affected your marriage and children?
I think it has benefited my children
in a number of ways. First, by showing them that goodness isn’t based on
legalistic rules, they are more accepting of themselves and others. Second, by
helping them see that there isn’t one right way to be a decent human being,
they are able to think the best of people. Third, by opening up to other ideas
and spiritual philosophies, they are more open as well.
As for my marriage, my change in
beliefs has brought to light problems I’d been ignoring for years. Things
having to do with power dynamics, issues with inflexibility, and some
fundamental disagreements in parenting styles between my husband and I. My
marriage has suffered and I worry about it often. But I also know that without
the insights I have now, the relationship would continue to grow more
unbalanced and necessary change would never occur.
I’m crossing my fingers and holding
out hope in the marriage department.
7.
How has writing about your struggles
helped you?
There’s a saying that writing is
cheaper than therapy, and I can attest to that. There’s no time limit on how
long I can type away on my keyboard when I’m having a bad day. I don’t have to
worry about the paper judging me. Plus, it’s helped me to put things in
perspective.
8.
What are the best ways to support
someone going through a faith crisis?
The most important thing is to
listen. Don’t distance yourself. Don’t shy away. Don’t give advice, and
definitely don’t judge. Just be a friend. Period. Sometimes it really is that
simple.
9.
How did your falling away from Mormonism
affect your view of the religion?
Hmm, well, when I believed in
Mormonism with my whole heart, I rationalized away any issues I had by saying
members were human and made mistakes. I believed The Church was as close to
being a perfect institution as anyone was likely to find. God had made it. He
had ordered it. Who was I to question what He had formed?
Now I see all kinds of problems with
the institution. Not with the hearts of members or leaders (who I believe are
honest people acting on faith) but rather with group think. It shuts down a lot
of voices that threaten the status quo. There’s not much tolerance for free
speech where church policy and doctrine are concerned. Speaking against the
leadership is taboo, and there are lots of unwritten rules about not exposing
the flaws of the organization to the outside world. It’s a lot like a
dysfunctional family that way. Loyalty to the church trumps personal
spirituality.
10.
What kinds of reactions have you had
from your Mormon author friends?
This has been similar to my family
response—lots of condemnation, lots of avoidance, lots of judgment, and lots of
gratitude. Yes, I know, it seems odd that I’d hear gratitude from LDS author
friends who are faithful in the church. But apparently there are people who
struggle in silence, unable to tell a soul how they feel without losing those
most dear to them. That’s the reason the Disaffected Mormon Underground (DAMU)
exists. It fills a palpable need.
11.
Do you ever feel angry . . . if so,
why?
On my bad days, I feel more
disappointment than anger. Mostly because I believed with all my heart the
promises found in Mormonism. I thought I was happier than other people, that I
had greater access to spirituality, that I knew my most important and
fulfilling role. I believed I had divine knowledge and purpose. Now I’ve found
that many of these promises are smoke and mirrors.
And I’m further disheartened when I
see religion hurt families. You’d think a family centered church would shout
from the rooftops not to shun family members who’ve fallen away. You’d think
they’d allow non-believing parents to see their believing kids get married in
the temple. You’d think they’d support all different kinds of families, not
just those that meet one definition. But all too often an ideal is promoted
that benefits the church over families that are struggling. “Traditional gender
roles” and “conservative family values” are taught as religious principles.
12.
Who should read your book?
Anyone who wants to better
understand how religions indoctrinate children, how they can unite and separate
families, how they can bring peace and turmoil at the same time. Anyone who
wants a more personal understanding of how it feels to grow up in a legalistic
religion that values trust and obedience more highly than free thought, or
anyone who wants to understand Mormonism.
Please don’t misread that to mean my
book is factually perfect. It’s not. It is based on my experience, and
everyone’s reality is different. But I stand by my claim that people who leave
Mormonism are often in an isolating place. It’s hard for an orthodox believer
to understand why anyone would leave. It’s hard for those who’ve never been in
a fundamentalist religion to understand why leaving one is such a big deal. To
both these groups, I’d say, “please read this!” Understanding is vital.
